A Struggling Idealist

A Struggling Idealist I will make known my holy name among my people Israel. I will no longer let my holy name be profaned, and the nations will know that I the LORD am the Holy One in Israel. It is coming! It will surely take place, declares the Sovereign LORD. This is the day I have spoken of. (Ezekiel 39:7,8) I struggle with discouragement. I know that is something that someone who writes Torah commentary is not supposed to say, but it's the truth. I have struggled with discouragement and depression ever since I was a child. One of the reasons for that could be the amount of sadness and disappointment I experienced at a young age. At the same time, I think of myself as an idealist. It wouldn't surprise me if it is common for idealists to struggle as I do. After all, much of what happens in this world of ours is not very ideal. Friends and people we look up to let us down, natural disasters strike without warning, and the best technology doesn't always work as is should. Problems and mistakes are commonplace, compounded by the forces of evil at work against us. Most idealists don't remain idealists for long as the reality of life beats them up until their standards adjust to a newly perceived reality. Before I came to believe in God and the Messiah, I had no hope in life at all. I think the only reason why I didn't commit suicide was that I was more afraid of death than I was of life. All that changed when I came to believe. I had hope; I had a reason to live; I then knew that there was someone - the Great Someone - actively involved in my life. My belief in the God of the Bible fueled my idealism. Without God, there was no reason to expect more out of life. With God I have every reason to do so. God provided me with "shoulds". Because of God, life should be a certain way. I should be a certain way. Others should be a certain way. Because of God, there is no reason to simply be pulled along by the happenstances of life. God shows us the way to live, he answers prayer, he does miracles, he enacts judgment on the wicked. Coming to believe in God caused my expectations of how life should work to rise to almost infinite heights. However, life hasn't worked out the way I expected. I could say that God has not performed to my satisfaction, except for my learning that many of my expectations have been built upon false assumptions about both God and life. And yet my idealism survives! In spite of continued disappointment and discouragement, God gives me hope for a great future. No matter what my circumstances might be, God has provided more than enough evidence that he is the one who will have the final say in history. No matter how long it takes, he will transform the creation into something far beyond our wildest dreams. He will reign on the earth for eternity along with those who love him. Pain, sorrow, and death will be banished forever, and everything will be as it should be. Even in the meantime, the reality of God is with us everyday. While the tragic events that are in the news day by day suggest otherwise, he gives me sufficient hope to take another step…and another and another and another. The holiday of Sukkot (English: Tabernacles), being celebrated at this time, is about a journey in idealism. Having been released from slavery in Egypt, the people of Israel embarked on a perilous journey through the wilderness. With the hope of acquiring their promised homeland they continually encountered the most dismal of circumstances. Through it all Moses held up before them the prospect of success even though so many of the people lost sight of it. It was in the midst of the hardships that God proved himself. But those who allowed their difficulties to loosen their grasp of their ideals also failed to see what God was really doing in their lives and how he was helping them to achieve their goal. So as we rightly perceive God's ideals, like Israel in the wilderness long ago, no matter what challenges we face we need to hold on to the certain future which is before us. There is so much happening today that has the potential to profoundly discourage us. It is only as we keep focused on God and his truth that we will be able to stand firm until the end.